Anxiety over What Ifs.

Let me just say, when I fall for a guy, I fall HARD. And when I fall for a guy I treat him like a king, in return I want to be treated like his queen. I can elaborate on both the king and queen thing if you want. But with this guy I have fallen for right now...I'm feeling all sorts of crazy feelings for him. Back story real quick: Met him in 2002 and dated off and on till I graduated in 2004. He's been after me since and when we were together it was a fairly serious relationship.

So yah, we got together....he broke it off because I went a little obsessive, but our "over" only lasted a week. He says we are on a trial period, but occaisionally ignores my txts and calls, wont let me be friend on facebook, but then talks about us getting a place together, acts like a father to my child. And well shit now I am rambling. But sounds shady huh?

Let me clarify: Idgf if we dont talk all day or everyday...but if I shoot ya a txt with a question please respond in a timely manner, if I call you, please in a timely manner call me back. If you're busy...understandable...when you aren't busy shoot me a txt/call to let me know. Don't just ignore me. Makes me feel like trash and just some girl you sleep with (please no lectures on sleeping with him).

Also being friends on facebook isn't a big deal, it only becomes a big deal when you for shady reasons won't let me be you're friend on there. WHAT ARE YOU HIDING? ARE YOU KEEPING YOUR OPTIONS OPEN? Because if thats the case...tell me you aren't ready and lets end this shit. I hate GAMES!

In person, he's generally great. But is he telling me what I want to hear??? See my trust in men has gone to shit since the sperm donor of my child, (who I loved DEARLY and was supposed to marry) decided to seriously mindfuck me and bruise my heart badly. Want details on that...ask but not putting that here.

Point is, its 1:22am on 4.16.11 and I have the jitters...dont know if its from a monster I drank (doesnt norm happen when I drink em) or if its beginnings of a panic attack. But they started when I started thinking about this current guy. I know I'm crazy...but yah. I don't know what else to say....

I just want a guy who will show/treat me with respect, love me as much as I love them, be honest, not be afraid to say "everyone this is MY girl", etc etc etc.

When Love Strikes

When love strikes, it strikes hard,

and it breaks everything into little shards

Some hearts get broken in the way

This happens every day.

People still fall in love

many get trampled in the push and shove

10/28/2002

Nature Inspires

There are stars in the sky

Flowers in the ground

The birds are singing

And the fish are swimming

The grass is green, The fire bright

People are happy

Others though, are sad

Love is around

But sorrow is in me

Tears are raining

The puddles are forming.

10/22/2002

Wacky Tacky

The Rain falls upon my neck

Love cannot be filtered to Tubec

I am strong today and tomorrow

Silver polish is the choice of sorrow

I speak nonsense to those who dont get me

I speak riddles to those who forget me

The grass grows in every direction

And the dog has an infection

Those shoes are new to you and me

The black widow sings in harmony

Life is precious an not to be wasted

But death can nevery be evaded

The words run low from time to time

Which brings us to the end of this wacky rhyme.

10/21/2002

Tainted Race

Humans are a tainted race

Everyone has sin written all over their face

Our action are generally senseless

The idea of world peace is proposterous

We only know how to be cruel

Kindness sounds kinds of mythological

To fix the problem of our kind

Must start in the human mind

Its impossible to get rid of all our faults

Every person has sinful thoughts

As I said before, we are tainted

But peace will come, just as God stated.

5-1-03

What is Real?

Can you really trust anyone or anything?

Everything you believe to be true could be a lie.

The truth, majority doesnt know what that means.

Do you really know your closest friend?

They could be two-faced and a liar.

Who will be the one to betray you in the end?

Do words truly have importance?

They could actually be meaningless.

Could be said without a second glance.

5/12/2003