Enlightening Expericence

I wrote this originally on May 30 2007 but I re-edited it today....omitted some things that just dont hold true anymore. I also want to note that this is about an experience I had with drugs. Although I do not regret doing this and am glad I had the experience, its not something that should ever be abused. A lot of people abuse LSD and other drugs. I did it and learned a lot of things, I was in a safe environment around people that were watching out for me. I also dont have any medical issues that could cause issues, nor was I on any medications. So please do not think Im saying to go out and do LSD or any other drugs. I now have a daughter and can't risk doing LSD. Why? Because I do not know enough about the substance to know I will come out of it perfectly capable to be a mother, plus there are many people out there that would sell you something as LSD but could be something FAR worse.

I realize why everything  has happened the way it has. All past event, good and bad had to happen to get me to this point in my life. And the journey is still far from over. I do not regret the bad things that have happened to me any more. It is pointless to do so. It does not get you anywhere. I do not want to dwell over the bad/negative things anymore. Embrace life, look around, the world is filled with so much beauty. Find the peace out there. You have to or you will go crazy. speaking of crazy, well kinda ironic, or maybe just odd, is that it took some serious "drugs" to have me understand all of this. Over this past memorial day weekend I was enlightened.

But before I talk about that let me just say that the past two months (April & May) have been crazy. For the entire month of May I was unemployed and it was some of the best 31 days of my life. Over Memorial day weekend, actually starting Wednesday, I was involved in a "festival" called Camp Reggae. Think what you want about it if you have heard of it, but for me it was one of the most spiritual and enlightning experiences of my life. Yes, I did some drugs while I was there. Just about everybody there did (thats not why I did them though). The one drug that I did that opened my eyes so much was liquid LSD. Yah, I know, pretty serious drug. But OMG! It change me as a person and I believe it changed me for the better. It opened my eyes and my mind. Everything is connected. For one, because of it I understand why my life has gone exactly the way it has. There are no random moments in time. Everything creates a ripple. As I was tripping I was sitting in my chair at my campsite watching and listening to a guy djing. There was music and a light show. And the lights moved with the music and I could see the soundwaves (they were red at times). I could see the ripples from other sounds. I stayed up all night learning knowledge. Knowledge that I haven't fully understood yet. But I do feel that the entire world should know too. As day came I watched the stars disappear and the sun come up. As the sun came up it rose with colors. Blues and greens mostly. I got to watch this beautiful sight while listening to ambient/trance music. After the sun was fully up everything was outlined in pretty neon, chalk like colors. I saw these colors creeping up the hillside. BEAUTY. Thats what is was. My new phrase that I say lot now is "its all about the colors man!" I say this because I did see colors and they were beautiful. so by that I mean that this world is filled with so much colorful beauty and that is one of the things we should focus on.

My beliefs have changed. They have always been changing. I no longer consider myself a christian. I do believe in God and Jesus, but it is different than the way of the norm christian religion. I cannot follow the Bible completly because I do not live my life exactly by the Bible and do not intend to. Some people think that I am doing stupid stuff but I do not think I am. Yes, in the past two months I have done stupid things. I did those things because I was searching for something. Well I am done searching. My life is on the path it should be. I just need to get some things in order like eating healthier, stick with my new job and continue learning.

But I do want to say this, I am sorry Daniel that things had to become so bitter between us. You were an essential part of my life. But I know we were not meant to spend our lives together. I know you will find that one that truly believes what you believe and has the same views as you.

I would also like to say that from this moment on I want to strive to have less negativity in my life and experess my creativeness more often. The hippie in me has come out. Peace, love, and colors man. And with that I am done sharing for the moment.